


Last Resort

by wildglitterwolf



Category: Once Upon A Time In Hollywood (2019)
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Feelings Realization, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Rick might be Biphobic idk, Self-Reflection, Two Fucking Idiots in Love Being Idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 15:50:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20762915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildglitterwolf/pseuds/wildglitterwolf
Summary: Cliff takes a risk on starting a relationship with Rick in Italy, but Rick is having doubts if Cliff is really into this or just doing it for his sake.





	Last Resort

“This… this is a m-mistake, Cliff. We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Then why the hell are you telling me this nearly two weeks in?”

Two weeks. They’ve been in Italy for two weeks and already it’s felt like their relationship had progressed as much in that short time as it has in the past nine years. And now maybe that’s backfired even quicker in just the past hour.

It was the third night of their new overseas living arrangement, second night of getting shitfaced, and first time one of them finally got the balls to make a move. Cliff wasn’t sure if it was the liquor that made him do it, or feeling like being away from the eyes of Hollywood gave him the courage, but he must have thought what’s the worst that could happen since he already knew which way Rick swung. And what happened that Cliff didn’t expect was a drunken kiss leading straight into fucking, but he didn’t complain. Neither did Rick. 

This became the regular thing each night after shooting for the day: recite Rick’s lines for tomorrow, get drunk, fuck. Or sometimes if was get drunk first, then recite lines, then fuck. And then there was the one time they forgot about lines altogether which led to a very frantic morning of trying to memorize them while still a bit hungover. But this night in particular, Cliff did something different that he could only assume was the reason why Rick was telling him all of this was a mistake: he fucked Rick sober.

Rick had gotten off early that day and was already well impaired by the booze by the time Cliff came home with groceries. Cliff managed to get them all put away when Rick started getting handsy and before he knew it, Cliff had the most intimate experience with his best friend to date only to be told it was a fucking mistake. What the hell did he do wrong?

“I… I guess I was just h-hoping this was r-real is all. Y-you don’t have to pr-pretend for my sake.”

Cliff narrows his eyes as he takes a slow drag off his post-sex cigarette. Rick’s words didn’t make sense. “What the fuck are you talking about, man? That’s the realest I’ve ever been.”

“It just felt different this time.”

“Probably because, unlike you, I didn’t need to be drunk to fuck.” Cliff was pretty much always calm and collected when Rick was in one of his pessimistic moods, but this accusation didn’t sit well with him. 

“Yeah, b-but you’re not l-like me. You like fucking women.”

“Soooo… are you calling yourself a woman? Because I still don’t get the hell what you’re trying to say.”

“God damnit, Cliff. You’re not a fucking faggot. So s-stop pulling my chain a-and pretending you are because I don’t want to get hurt.”

Cliff felt like he got stabbed right in the chest. He didn’t understand how Rick could think these things with all they’ve been through together, with all the fucking shit they’ve done that would normally drive two people apart. They were all each other had, really. Like hell he’d ever hurt Rick like that. 

“Why does it matter if I like women as well? I honestly don’t think one is ever gonna give me another chance again.”

“So I am just a last resort then?”

“Shit, no, that’s not at all what I meant. And don’t dodge my question, why the hell can’t I like sex with you like I do with women?” Cliff punctuates the question by snuffing out his cigarette in the ashtray rougher than normal.

Rick hesitated, not sure how to explain himself. He knew deep down there was no real reason. If anything, it’s probably envy that Cliff could arrive at the same place in life with less of the suffering he endured growing up in Missouri. Cliff didn’t have to hide who he was to protect himself and he felt ashamed that part of him hated Cliff for that. 

Cliff studies Rick carefully and sees the internal conflict going on and in him. He suddenly felt like shit for pushing him and was worried Rick would have one of his usual meltdowns. With a sigh, he clasps his hand on Rick’s shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. 

“Listen, man. Why don’t you sober up for a bit while I go shower and we both collect our thoughts, okay?”

“Hmm? Oh...uh sure...okay…”

Cliff doesn’t reply. Instead, he just gives him a quick kiss on his forehead and leaves without making eye contact as he makes his way towards the bathroom. He closes the door and leans against it as he lets out the biggest sigh, rubbing his hands over his face in frustration trying to figure out what the hell was going on exactly. 

“Alright Cliff,” he mutters to himself. “Just give him time. Figure yourself out first.” Cliff starts the shower water on all the way to hot before stepping in and letting it wash over him. He knows he should turn it down a couple notches as his skin starts to turn red but doesn’t pay it much mind. Right now everything else hurt more than his skin.

Cliff thought about everything Rick said and implied and started to go through a mental catalogue of every attraction he had in his life. As a boy, he did what all the other boys did and try to woo the local girls. Then the war came along. This is where his sexual experiences with other men began, but was it even attraction or the desperation of a group of lonely men needing relief with no female companion in sight? Or the fact that they could be killed at any moment threw anything taboo out the window? Then they were sent home, and it was right back to picking up women in bars, finally marrying one of them, and becoming absolutely miserable. He got the life changing stunt job and started spending time with Rick, but there was no sexual attraction there at first. Just a great guy who turned into a great friend and then his only friend. Maybe that’s it. Kinda like that fairytale he read as a kid… what’s it called? That chick gets forced to live with a beast and has to learn to love him since it’s her only option. Maybe Rick was right that he’s only into him because he’s his last resort. His only option left was to fall in love with the beast.

Finally Cliff can’t take the heat of the water any more and shuts it off. The mirrors are completely steamed when he steps out, and he finds himself absentmindedly tracing his finger around on it making not real design in particular. He’s just buying himself more time before he knows he has to go out there again and deal with Rick. After drying himself and his hair off, he wraps a towel around his waist and heads back to the bedroom that’s supposed to be his but has been barely slept in this whole time. To his surprise, he found Rick lying on the bed, gaze looking straight up to the ceiling as he puffed away on his cigarette. 

“What are you doing in here?”

Rick shrugs, still not looking at him. “F-figured you might try to avoid me after showering.” He sighs as he puts out his cigarette and lights another almost instantaneously. 

“Oh, I’m not that bad. If anything, I might have expected you to have left. Or just drink more.” Cliff might have sounded a little more harsher than normal on the last bit, but if there was a time to have no walls built up around anything this would be the time.

“It’s not fair, Cliff…” Rick mumbles as his head rolls to the side and eyes finally look up at him. “It’s fucking not.”

“Well there isn’t much that’s fair in life so you’re gonna have to be a bit more specific than that.”

“Why I gotta be born like this? W-why the fuck does anyone gotta be born a fucking f-faggot if we aren’t suppose to be this way?”

“Ah. Right.” Cliff goes to his dresser and grabs a pair of boxers, casually dropping his towel to change. By the time he looks back at Rick he sees he’s turned his gaze back to the ceiling. “Look, man. I’m not much for caring what society thinks about things or me in general. But I do believe that we’re just fine the way we are and fuck what anyone else says.”

“Jesus Christ, Cliff. I-If I was to b-be me then I can fucking kiss wh-whatever is left of my career goodbye.”

“Well that’s their problem, not yours.” But Cliff knew Rick was right. There was no way he would be able to salvage his floundering movie career and deal with something like that in public. He rolls onto the bed and right up against Rick, taking the cigarette from Rick’s mouth and takes a drag off it. “So you wanna talk about it?”

“We’re already talking so what about exactly?”

“About what they did to you growing up.”

Rick visibly tensed up enough for Cliff to see he hit a nerve. But it’s not like it hasn’t been on Rick’s mind this evening seeing as it was what made him change his tune about this relationship. This fucking perfect relationship that was more than he could have ever dare dream to have as a boy that he knows he’s this close to sabotaging. And for what? Fame? Why the hell did he need validation from the rest of the world when all the validation he needed was right here. Next to him. And actually gave a fucking shit about him which is more than he could say about anyone else in his life.

“What the fuck is there to say? M-Missouri ain’t the best place for people like me. Well, a lot of those S-Southern states aren’t but honestly, where is any place that fucking great?” Rick takes his cigarette back and lights a new one off it to give to Cliff before settling down against him more. He can tell once he starts talking he’s going to be a fucking wreck. 

“You don’t have to tell me aloud if you don’t want to. You can just let it out how I know you do best.”

There was something comforting in what Cliff said. Rick knew he wasn’t the most articulate when he gets emotional and would probably be incomprehensible over something so personal. And now Cliff was giving him permission to finally be vulnerable about all the pain that’s been weighing him down all his life without needing to utter a word. He was starting to think he really didn’t deserve Cliff in the slightest.

Cliff just watched Rick wrestle with his inner thoughts as he wrapped an arm around his shoulder. He could only imagine the worst abuse Rick might have gone through as he tried to do some psych analysis on him. Probably a lot of being called ‘faggot’ since Rick used that to describe himself more often than not that it was most likely drilled into his mind on a regular basis. His parents might of known, and he probably tried to have the gay prayed away on more than one occassion. The other children were probably little shits towards him, and Cliff found himself wishing he was around to protect him from that kind of playground bullying. He probably started drinking heavily because of it. Probably tried to kill himself on more than one occasion. Probably thought he’d never find anyone…

And the crying started. And like always in private situations, Cliff just let him until the tears ran out. Nothing else needed to be said. Cliff held onto him a little bit tighter each time he felt Rick’s sobbing get more intense, as if it was his way of saying he wasn’t going to be driven away by what was considered ‘unmanly’ behavior. Who the fuck decided what’s the right way for a man to express himself anyways? 

“Th-thanks, buddy. For not giving up on me when y-you should.”

“Nah, you can’t get rid of me that easy, partner.”

Rick let out a small laugh of relief as he buried himself further into Cliff. “I honestly d-don’t see what you find… find attractive about me. At all. No sane person would want to deal with this even o-on a colleague level.”

“Guess I’m not all that sane then. But since you’re asking, fuck, I don’t know. You ain’t bad looking. But I won’t lie and say I’ve found women more attractive. Nah, there’s something else that keeps me here.”

“Well it can’t be my fucking personality.”

“I’ve been around worse. You, for example, actually think the world of me for whatever reason, and I’d say the same and wonder what it is you see in me.” Maybe that was it for Cliff. He wasn’t constantly criticized for not performing up to someone’s expectations of what a partner should be. Rick didn’t care if Cliff was poor, or that he wasn’t the kind of guy to be overly romantic and show up with flowers for every occasion. No. Rick allowed Cliff to be Cliff, just the way Cliff allowed Rick to be Rick. And maybe that was the most attractive thing to him in a partner than just being someone to fuck.

“Well other than being p-pretty? And not c-caring about me constantly being a wreck and needing your reassurance all the time? A-and actually treat me like I’m worth a damn even when I don’t see it? Jesus, Cliff. You’re my perfect man. Y-you’re everything I could have ever hoped for and more. So much that… that I-I can’t fucking believe you’d want anything to do with me in return. And it scares me. S-scares me that I’ll wake up and realize this was all just a dream.” 

“Well I must say, it feels nice to be wanted and appreciated. Maybe that’s enough for a simple man like me, and you more than give me what I probably deserve to have. I don’t think I fell in love with you because you’re my only option; I think it’s because you’ve been the only option that has ever truly felt right for me.” Cliff smiles down at Rick and gives him a tight, comforting hug and another, longer forehead kiss and puts out both their cigarettes. “How about we sleep this night off already? I think we both could use it.”

Rick just nods but doesn’t make any effort to move or get into bed properly. He didn’t want to leave his position as a part of him was still thinking this would all be gone by morning. And naturally, Cliff didn’t force him to move, either.

**Author's Note:**

> It kills me how much these idiots were made for each other. I feel like I had half a dozen ways I wanted to go with this but I guess I just ended up keeping it rather simple in the end despite these boys being complicated af.
> 
> Also, totally off topic but I keep thinking about how Cliff would be the most badass Hufflepuff with his insane loyalty to Rick that even I can't explain without some form of intimate relationship going on there. Plus we know he looks good in yellow.


End file.
